Parenting Panel with Gun-Shy Butterfly

For many artists, creativity is a lifeline - an instinct as natural as breathing. But what happens when that instinct collides with the all consuming, unpredictable, deeply transformative experience of parenthood?

In this candid conversation, Andrea and Julie of Gun-Shy Butterfly open up about the beautiful, chaotic reality of being both musicians and mothers.

Their bond - first forged through music - has grown into something richer through the shared joys and challenges of raising children while continuing to create art that speaks to their evolving identities. With humor, vulnerability, and insight, they reflect on how parenting has challenged their artistic selves, re-shaped their songwriting and deepened their sense of purpose.

Motherhood, they explain, isn’t something you can compartmentalize. It seeps into everything. Into lyrics, melodies, schedules and self-perception. There are lullabies written at midnight, recording sessions squeezed between school runs, and moments of creative epiphany born in the quiet chaos of everyday life. Their conversation is full of sharp honesty and gentle encouragement, a reminder that parenting and artistry aren't mutually exclusive, but instead can enrich one another in powerful, unexpected ways.

From honoring the emotional intensity of raising children to embracing the village that helps make it all possible, Andrea and Julie remind us that creativity doesn’t vanish when kids enter the picture - it evolves. It learns to adapt, to multitask, to listen more closely and to speak with new depth.

Andrea White

How many children do you have? And what are their names and ages?

I have two kids, my son is 9.5 and my daughter is 6.

Did you have fears or concerns about how becoming a parent would interfere with your artistic endeavors?

I honestly was just so excited about becoming a parent that I was blissfully ignorant about how it would completely change everything about me and my life. I didn’t really think about it because music is as much a part of me as breathing, so I very much took for granted that I would always have access to music and the part of me that makes it.

Have those fears come true, or no?

Logistically it was difficult to be a new parent and do anything else at all. But I have videos of me writing songs with my daughter all swaddled up next to me, and recordings of my son playing the keyboard while I was trying to work out a new song. Mostly I just tried to include my kids and make song writing and playing music a normal part of our daily lives, so in that way neither got in the way of each other, which was kind-of cool.

In what ways has parenthood helped your creativity, if any?

Oh boy, well, so much of my creativity comes from dealing with my many and varied emotions and feelings about things. And being a parent is nothing but emotions and feelings for me. So in that way, parenthood has provided an ENDLESS source of things to share about and express.

Also, I think the struggles of parents right now, and maybe always, is really real. And I think shifting my focus from writing about self-centered boy drama mostly, to writing about how hard, frustrating, beautiful, and intense life is, especially when it comes to raising kids, is more relatable. Or maybe more relevant. And less self-centered, which is always a good thing.

What has parenthood taught you about yourself, your music, or your creative process?

That I am capable of so much more than I ever thought was humanly possible. And also, parenthood has really helped me prioritize what is really important in my life. My kids are only going to be little once. AND if I’m not taking care of myself (which includes making music) I won’t be present enough to appreciate it. So it’s this constant dance of pausing to be with my kids and pausing to be with myself. The tricky part is telling the difference of when I need what.

Now that I have kids I appreciate silence and space so much more than I used to. And friends. Like, friends are so important for all of us. I didn’t realize how much I needed my friends, and how much easier and more fulfilling life is with friends until becoming a parent.

This idea of friendship being the most important thing has had a lot to do with how great it is to be in Gun-Shy Butterfly with Julie. We say yes to everything and support each other no matter what, and before parenthood, I was much more controlling and forceful with my “vision”. Now I can compromise and listen and just have more fun, which was always the point.

How do you juggle your family and your career? Who’s your support system?

By doing it badly? For real though, it’s impossible, really, to do any of the things, let alone ALL the things. I don’t get enough sleep because I mainly work on my creative efforts at night. And sometimes I don’t see my family as much because of all the work or events or other stuff I have to do. It’s less like juggling and more like learning to walk with lots of falling down and tripping over myself, and lots of joy and triumph for every tiny victory, no matter how small.

But I also have A LOT of help. More help than anyone else I know. And I’m super grateful for my community and support system every single day.

I am married and my husband is incredibly supportive of both my music and my mental health. I would not be able to do any of this without him and his support. He helps with the kids, but he also encourages me to prioritize myself and my music.

We have two sets of parents that live within walking distance, and my sister-in-law and brother-in-law live next door, so my kids have a village that they can turn to and that cares for their well-being. All the women in my life, my mom and my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, help with so many things. I’m still completely overwhelmed and everything is still impossible, even with all the help in the world, but I absolutely would not be able to make music without the help of my friends and family.

I’m also really lucky that I have an incredible network of friends that I’ve developed over the years who help me remember what’s important in life, who can relate to my struggles, and who help me celebrate all of who I am.

What’s one thing you wish someone had told you before you became a parent? Any advice for others?

I guess I wish I had known exactly how hard it was going to be. Like, it is the absolute hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Not because of my kids, just because of the way the world works. We don’t prioritize food that nourishes and supports kids, we don’t provide parents with the space and resources they need to tend to their new or growing families, and as a parent I have to constantly fight against all the money being dumped into turning my kids into consumers on the daily. It is SO hard. And I wish I had known that ahead of time, so I didn’t blame myself for absolutely everything.

I was given the best advice before my daughter was born. One of my friends said to me, “if someone offers to help in any way, no matter what, you say yes.” And I really live by those words. Asking for help and saying yes when people offered meant I got to shower, I got to eat, I got to sleep sometimes, and my kids had this incredible example of what it looks like when people take care of each other.

Do your children inspire / inform your music?

I think so. They are so much a part of my life, everything I do involves them in one way or another. I look at the world in terms of how it treats them. All the things I’m mad about- I’m mad for my sake because there’s just so much to be mad about these days, but I’m also mad for them. They didn’t ask for a lot of the problems that they are inheriting and I’m angry on their behalf.

Have you ever written a song for or about your kids? If so please share a description and a link.

Not officially. Other than the hundreds of songs I would make up on the spot and sing to them to try to get them to sleep, or get them to eat, or get them to play outside, or just to be silly.

These are not Gun-Shy Butterfly songs, but I used to be in a band called The Bunny Hop where I played drums, my husband played guitar, and our friend Andy sang and played bass and wrote all the songs. Andy passed away in 2020, but before that he wrote a song about each of my kids.

He wrote “Why You Gotta Be a Baby” about my son when he was 6 months old:

And Josephine is about my daughter before she was born. Her name is not actually Josephine:

The line at the end, “I can’t wait to meet you Josephine” kills me every time because although Andy did get to meet her, he died shortly after she was born.

Not every artist parent incorporates their children into their music – if you do not is this a conscious decision?

Yes and no. I don’t incorporate my kids mostly because of the subject matter of my songs. I write a lot about self-reflection and my personal experience, which is informed by my kids, but is not about my kids.

I’m also a semi-private person, especially when it comes to my kids. I don’t post pictures of them on social media, and I try not to put any identifiable information about them online. I feel like when they get older and can make informed decisions about sharing themselves, I will be more okay with including them in all aspects of the process.

Julie Exter

How many children do you have? And what are their names and ages?

I have three sons, Danny (13), Jamie (12), and Thomas (10).

Did you have fears or concerns about how becoming a parent would interfere with your artistic endeavors?

This was never something I was worried about before I had kids, but it became clear from pretty much the moment I heard my firstborn cry for the first time that this was going to turn every aspect of my life upside down. And once that reality hit, I definitely did become very, very frightened of losing essentially my whole identity outside of motherhood. Those first few months as a new mom were extraordinarily challenging for me - and of course, everyone knows they're going to be, but there's just no way to really understand it until you're in it and it is SO very real.

Have those fears come true, or no?

The funny thing about kids is that the second  you have them, it has that Thanos snap effect where so many of the things that were enormous parts of your previous life end up disappearing entirely, at least for the short term. I did end up taking extended breaks from music during my kids' early years. It wasn't intentional - I was mostly just exhausted and not in the right headspace for it. And I've really come to appreciate that headspace is pretty much everything when it comes to writing original music. After my second son was born I did end up quitting the band I was in at the time, which was mainly a cover band that was playing 3-hour bar sets. I was getting home at 4 in the morning and I'd be just absolutely destroyed the next day, falling asleep on the floor in a pile of baby cereal, stuff like that. But as they got older and I started to feel the old "me" starting to emerge from the early-childhood trenches, I found myself hungrier than ever for the creative outlet of being in a band and writing original music. It was like my own creative rebirth, really. 

In what ways has parenthood helped your creativity, if any?

I think parenting has the very positive effect of keeping me connected to my own ridiculous inner child. It's hard to take yourself super seriously when you've got three small people in the backseat and one is telling you they spilled something, one is crying because someone looked at him funny, and one is asking why we eat chickens but not raccoons. Not taking myself terribly seriously is something I'm finding more and more important as a songwriter who's actively releasing music.

What has parenthood taught you about yourself, your music, or your creative process?

It's become a running joke in my household that when I'm embroiled in a song or something related to recording or production, I disappear into my own little world, sometimes for hours at a time. Unsurprisingly, the people in my house don't stop having needs during that time, and it can be rough to get yanked out of a flow state because someone's asking me to open a bag of Cocoa Krispies or something. So I'd say I've definitely learned to take advantage of the moments of quiet that I do get where I can do uninterrupted work. 

How do you juggle your family and your career? Who’s your support system?

My kids have a truly wonderful dad who is my built-in support system for all things creative. He's the one home with them while Mom is in Chicago or Pittsburgh or Charleston or wherever music takes me (and I've been fortunate enough to have it take me to some pretty interesting places). He's really been my rock. It might be more interesting to talk about my UNsupportive system, which is unfortunately a lot more extensive. A lot of my extended family members have pretty strong opinions about how a woman and a mother should be spending her time, and "spending lots of time out of the house playing music in dive bars" always earns me plenty of side-eye, which I've learned to (mostly) ignore. But it's never easy to feel that kind of judgement from people who are supposed to want you to be a happy and self-actualized human being.

What’s one thing you wish someone had told you before you became a parent? Any advice for others?

The thing I wish I'd known can do double duty as my best piece of advice: the baby and toddler years are probably gonna be rougher than you think, but they won't last forever. The exhaustion and creative depletion you might feel won't last forever. There is more to your identity than being someone's parent and there always will be.

Do your children inspire / inform your music?

Sometimes my sons do inspire my music, but it's rarely directly. It's always in some very abstract way, a feeling or an impulse or a thought that makes its way into something or other. What DOES inspire me directly is the way I see my kids appreciating my music and being proud of me as they get older. I'm attaching a picture I took of my teenager wearing my band's t-shirt to school, which, believe me, is the greatest compliment I've ever received. If you have a teenager, you know.

Have you ever written a song for or about your kids? If so please share a description and a link.

I have not done this. (Yet!)

Not every artist parent incorporates their children into their music - if you do not is this a conscious decision?

It's not a conscious decision to not include them in the music itself. I try to stay true to what my artistic impulses are, and so far they haven't taken me in that direction, but I can't rule out the possibility of writing about them in the future. One thing I absolutely DO like to do is shout them out from the stage on the rare occasions my band plays an all ages show that they can be in the crowd for. And that's always super fun. 

Listen to Gun-Shy Butterfly’s latest single here:

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